It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time.

I choose to live by CHOICE, not by chance. I choose to make CHANGES, not excuses. I choose to be MOTIVATED, not manipulated. I choose to be USEFUL, not used. I choose to EXCEL, not compete. I choose SELF WORTH, not self pity. I was born stubborn :) i'm sometimes bitchy and I tend to push people, I push myself. I was taught to never take life for granted, to live to the fullest, to love with everything I have, to never give up, & to believe in myself...but most of all? I was taught to fight for myself.

"Life will only be as much as you'll allow it to be"
Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.

Splattered thoughts.

Lately i've been wanting to escape. Somewhere beautiful, phenomenal, serene, farFAR away. We all have those times when things just kind of change, a LOT. & it can sometimes be over baring. I've had all too much time to think. About everything. About life. I'm not sure how easy it'll be to try and form all my nonsense into coherent thoughts...but it's worth a try.
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, the circumstances, the failures, the successes, what other people think. say, or do. It's more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. Attitude can and will make or break a company, a church, a home, a soul. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We can't change our past, we can't change the fact that people will act in a certain way, & we can't change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string that we have, & that's our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it.
So maybe i've been SO focused and preoccupied with other things in life selfishly telling myself WHAT i feel, instead of having a positive attitude. Does that make sense? We all want everything to be marvelous ALL the time! Lots of us pride ourselves on being "optimist" but lets be honest, quite often that's a bunch of bull =] we TELL ourselves what we SHOULD feel, rather than actually BELIEVING and trusting in what it is we want to feel.
The other day I had a friend point out opinions. & he was VERY right. Not only are our lives largely determined by attitude, but near everything we talk about, or hear about, or live by is how we interpret, take in, or perceive things. We're opinionated about everything. Which isn't necessarily a BAD thing. But it just can sometimes stir things up when we do simple things like, go to friends for advice. Based on our attitude, we're sometimes REALLY vulnerable and easily confuse ourselves with someone elses' opinion. Ahhhh, i feel like i'm speaking another language..sorry! =]

On to the next subject....

We think about it, sing about it, talk about it, dream about it & lose sleep worrying about it. When we don't know we have it, we search for it. When we discover it, we don't know what to do with it. When we have it, we fear losing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we don't know which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define & lets face it, IMPOSSIBLE to live without. All our lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to the song of heartbreak and hope. All the while wondering if somehow, there's someone perfect, somewhere, who might be searching for us too.
It's so easy to think about love, sing about love, talk about love, & to dream about love. But it's not always so easy to recognize love that might be right in front of us. Right where it belongs. Because we're TOO afraid of it being everything we've ever and always wanted. Love makes us strong. It makes us COWARDS. It makes us happy! & it BREAKS our hearts.
Love is the most contradictory word, emotion, and action there is.
Our ATTITUDE on love, is everything. These past few weeks i've bounced back and fourth when it came to this word. It's hard to know how you feel, when everything around you, everything you thought you believed in, and knew about it..turns out to be not as perfect as you thought. When your pillars and motivation that you've always depended on turns to shambles.. But i've decided that despite all that can go wrong, and all you can lose, all the pain it can cause...is nothing compared to everything that is right, all you can gain, and all the happiness it brings. I'm destined for it, and so are you.


Just a girl... I used to be just the girl to make someones day go right. I used to be the girl who could light up any room she walked into, and could see the bright side to anything. I was confident, persistent, and determined. Whether things were going my way or not, I was a HAPPY girl. I want to find that girl again. But this time it wont be me, just a girl. I'll be me, i'll be THE girl. Whether i'm who anyone else wants me to be, i'll be just who i want, and need to be. Happy. That's really what matters most.

For every beauty in this world, there is an eye somewhere for someone to see it. For every truth, there is an ear somewhere for someone to hear it. & for every love, there is a heart somewhere for someone to receive it.
Remember that, believe that, annnnd trust that!
--Angelica Ruth

You.

I wish it were now, I wish I were ready now...
Trying to get a grasp on life lately. Things have definitely improved a bit.. But still, i'm gaining or trying to grasp more of an idea of who I am, who I need to be, who and what will make me happiest. Slowly but surely I think i'm getting there. I desperately wish I were all grown up already lol.. i'm aware of how lame that may sound. But in all seriousness, I yearn for that above all. People always say to cherish your childhood. & I did. I'm not a child, I'm not exactly sure what you'd call me now. Unfinished? In between? A mess? haha. About right.. The career, the husband, the house, the kids.. the life=] I'd be SO good at it.. REALLY. I promise. I'm ecstatic, anxious, scared, but so.. so ready... Gah, maybe I really am just, naive. It's possible, it's happened before. I realize I'm speaking another language right now.. tends to happen in times like these.

I don't know your name. I don't know what color your eyes are, or the way you cringe when you're disgusted. I haven't seen you cry, and I haven't felt you care. You've yet to gaze toward me and say all the right things, even if it's at the wrong time. Your touch hasn't sent the butterflies wild yet. & your smile has yet to make me soar. I'm still aching for your kiss, anxiously awaiting the way you'll know it all before i say a word.. Still waiting for the stupid arguments, for those times I wanna kick you. & for the forgiveness you never needed in the first place.
I'm still here, I'm still waiting. I don't know your name, and I don't know what color your eyes are.. but i already know you're the color to my world.
You know that romantic notion that all the garbage and the pain in love is really healing, beautiful and sort of poetic? It’s not. It’s just garbage and it’s pain. You know what’s better? Love. The day that you start thinking that love is overrated is the day that you’re wrong. The only thing wrong with love, faith and belief is not having it.